are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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