the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize