There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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