these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
