I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
