Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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