he was CRYING into my vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
