My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
