He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
