Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I party with great urgency now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
