im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
