M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
