After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
