don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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