allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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