the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
