I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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