Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
