i would punch a child for taco bell
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
we should paint friendship bongs
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