Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize