I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Boobs are out for the taking
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
