"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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