Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
