So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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