wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
