Don't make out with my wife yet
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
