Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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