Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
