I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize