69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
