I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
