I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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