I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
