Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
