thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
