THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
