PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
