Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
