the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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