I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
