You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
