i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
