Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
