Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
