my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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