The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
