There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
