I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
