Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
