I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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