You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
