my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
