i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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