So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
