I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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