I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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