hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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