I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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