You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
