I hate all girls vehemently.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
