dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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