So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
