Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
