You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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