Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
