i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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