In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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