i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
