he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
