Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
