I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
