the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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