It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize