Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
