omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize