The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
