so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
