I love black thongs
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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