ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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