Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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