Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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