im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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