she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
