Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
