id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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