1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
