I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
